Breathe
by Moonlight Phoenix1
Summary: You don't know what you've got til it's gone. And not breathing. And never coming back. SLASH


Summary: You don't know what you've got til it's gone. And it's not breathing. And never coming back. *SLASH*  
  
A/N that has nothing to do with this fic: Heya! I have been quite busy lately, so I haven't been able to update any of my fics. My love life used to be complicated, then got easier, but now is MORE complicated again, cos my friend's ex fancies me, and this other guy fancies me too and has told me that he loves me even though I've never met him (he's my mate's friend), and I am also pre-occupied with the shitload of homework we get. Not to mention those little things called 'coursework' and 'options' and 'choosing your GCSEs'. Grrr.  
  
A/N that has something to do with this fic: I am really sorry that I haven't been able to update any of my other fics so far, but I've been quite busy. The reasons can be found in the A/N above. This piece is in quite a different style than many of my other fics (yikes, me grammar's gone spastic). It's sorta . . . weirder. Very much weirder. But it's supposed to be like that. It's a one-shot, and the pairing . . . well, I hope you'll figure it out for yourselves. *smiles spastically* Remember to read all the stuff in the brackets! It's supposed to be the person's thoughts. Well, everything is the person's thoughts. But the stuff in the brackets are the person's thought-thoughts. Like, the less coherent ones.  
  
Anyway, please please please review! I love reading them! They're usually the highlight of my day! : - )  
  
WARNINGS: SLASH all the way. Weirdness. Some stuff that may lead to disturbing images if you look close enough. And a looooooooootta lotta angst. Yo baby. *grins* Enjoy.  
  
~~~~~~~~ Breathe ~~~~~~~~  
  
I won't go.  
  
(not anymore I won't go I won't ever leave you not like these past few years where I left every night and never stayed with you and left you in your bed all alone and cold with no one to wake up next to you only woke up to the sound of screaming in the room above yours where I was fucking the life out of someone else just to show you that you couldn't get to me that you could never make me love you never and I guess you never suspected that I was just lying to myself all that time just lying lying lying to myself to you to everyone around me)  
  
I refuse to leave your side.  
  
(not like that time when I purposefully fucked Cho Chang [Merlin she screamed so loud] in the room right above yours but I still had a crush on her you see and I didn't think you'd mind because I thought that you were banging Blaise Zabini you two always seemed so close and I'm so sorry about that I regret it so much and if I could change anything I would I would)  
  
I'm not gonna eat.  
  
(whenever I even look at food I feel like I'm going to throw up it makes me feel sick it makes me feel ill it makes me realise that what I did to you was wrong wrong wrong but Ron and Hermione still try to make me eat but I don't I can't I just throw up and they worry I can see they worry about me so much but I'm not supposed to be worried about I don't deserve it not after what I did to you which was just wrong and bad and inhuman)  
  
I'm not gonna sleep.  
  
(there's no point and I can't anyway because I woke you up when I did to do what was wrong so wrong and I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry please forgive me please please please I didn't want to hurt you I didn't you've gotta believe me I didn't but I had a bad day and you were just there and you were the only person that I could take my anger out on and back at Hogwarts everyone used to believe that you liked it rough cos you were a Malfoy and I wanted to see if it was true to feel what it would be like to be all over you around you inside you and I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm so so sorry for doing that to you)  
  
I'm not even gonna breathe.  
  
(I don't deserve to I don't I'd kill myself God I'd kill myself if that would bring you back I'd do it in a second but I can't yet not now I won't I need to be there for you I need to I need to say I'm sorry I never got the chance so I'm saying it now I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm just so sorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorry)  
  
Until you wake up and come back to me.  
  
(and don't you dare tell me that you're gone and you're never coming back because I don't believe you you have to wake up you have to for me please please please please wake up you are not gone and you are not gonna die this muggle life-support machine [but God I hate calling it that it makes you sound like you're already dead which you're not you're not you're not you're not] has got to work for something)  
  
Please.  
  
(I know this is too much to ask of you but I have to anyway because you have to come back you have to don't you understand you just have to havetohavetohaveto please oh please pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease)  
  
For the last time in your life . . .  
  
(for the last time ever in your life I promise I'll never ask you to do anything again but please oh please oh please you've got to understand I need you I can't live without you I'm going crazy that's all I'm doing I'm just going crazy without you God I want you I need you I just want you to pleasepleaseplease for the last time in your life)  
  
Do something for me.  
  
(just do this for me do this one thing I'll never ask you of anything again but just do this one last thing for me I promise it's the last thing I'll ever ask you to do I'll die a happy man if this is the last thing you do for me I know I know I've asked you for too much but this really is the last time this is the last thing the last thing I will ever ask of you)  
  
Open your eyes.  
  
(just open your eyes please open them open them they're so beautiful and grey and silver and you all mixed into one beautiful colour and you have to open them I have to see them just one more time I have to I have to but what does this beeping noise mean it's a muggle machine and I remember watching a tv programme on it once and the only time I heard it was when the patient died but you can't die you can't you can't you hear me you just can't die and leave me all alone in this world you're not dead you're not but the machine is still beeping shut up shut up just shutupshutupshutupshutup)  
  
Wake up.  
  
(you've got to wake up you've just got to got to got to got to if you don't I think I'd die I'm holding my breath and I'll hold it until you wake up so you have to wake up or else I'll die and I'm holding my breath and I'm doing it for you for you and nobody else you understand I love you I loveyouloveyouloveyou I know I should have said that a long time ago but I'm saying it now and I love you and I'm holding my breath and waiting and waiting and holding my breath and)  
  
. . .  
  
(. . .)  
  
Breathe. 


End file.
